Unexpected farewell.

***

The Friday before Christmas, we decided to do a Tessem Family Soup and bread bowl night, followed by gingerbread houses, before Jeff's parents headed off to Boston to see Melinda and her new baby and family.

 I spent the day making soups, bread bowls, and cleaning the house in preparation.  Jesse did much of the same, and between the two of us, we had plenty of soup and candy supplies for everyone to decorate.

 In gluing these together the night before, I couldn't help but think of Lindsay and her family, and think of how happy I was that their family is doing well.  

 Our guests arrived when they could, and everyone seemed to enjoy the soups, and bread bowls, and company.  I know the children loved eating as much candy as they could handle, and Bestefar and Bestemor put their candy to great use, completely covering their house.  Since they were leaving the next day for Boston, they decided they wouldn't like to take it home with them to sit in the house for a couple weeks, so they left it behind at the end of the night.  They looked so exhausted, but it was great to visit with them, and add their gifts under the tree.  They recently returned from spending several weeks in Norway visiting family and friends, and Idaho visiting Jeff's sister and her family.  We were happy to be able to see them and get good hugs in before they were on their way again . . . 

***

Saturday, we took the kids sledding as a family.  The snow had been there for a while, but that didn't seem to bother anyone, and Rock Canyon Park has hills that make me a little nervous to go down myself, but we all had fun 

***

 I was excited for Sacrament meeting on Sunday.  I knew what music was in store, and was excited to see how it all came together.  For prelude, Benjamin played his cello with a quartet that included me and two other young women:  two violins and a viola to complete the group.  I really enjoyed practicing with them, and I'm pretty sure they enjoyed it, too.  Our favorite piece was the one we finished on, "We Three Kings" because we set our bows down and did it all pizzicato style.  When we finished playing, the room was quiet, and the meeting followed . . . 

 Primary children sang, a youth number, a family, the choir, an impressive tenor solo, and congregation, along with two short talks that added greatly to the meeting.  During the closing song, I was unable to finish singing along, because I finally started to feel it:  this can be home. . . 

Before going to bed, Jeff and I face-timed with Bestemor and Bestefar in Boston.  They were so excited to be there and meet little Lucy, the newest grandbaby.  We chatted, made some funny comments I'm sure, and then went to bed.

***

 Monday morning, I was focused on cleaning the house and keeping the kids from getting into too much trouble, when Jeff called to say that his mom wasn't breathing very well, and had been taken to the hospital in Boston . . . 

I let Jeff tell the kids what was going on over the speaker of my phone while Benjamin was cleaning the basement bathroom. . . 

None of us really knew what to think, but were praying that the day would progress, and we would hear that she was doing fine . . . 

We kept getting little bits of information . . . she had a hard time breathing, made it back inside to Melinda's apartment, had a hard time breathing and hearing again, they called for an ambulance. . . she was taken to the hospital . . . they tried to give her a cat scan but she coded on the table, so they started CPR and continued for about 20-40 minutes . . . Atle, Troy, and Melinda were asked if they would like to see her . . . she held on longer, coding many times . . . 

We just kept waiting all day, and praying, and hoping. . . 

Jeff got home early from work, and Scott came over to be with his brother.

Jeff started making the Norwegian almond Christmas cake, and had the rings in the oven, when we got the call that she was gone. . .   

I took the cake out of the oven, and finished it up because Jeff couldn't.  Jeff and Scott held each other and cried.  

We all held each other, and cried . . . 

Early in the day, we were just praying we would have our Bestemor back home safe and sound soon, but as the day went on, I think we were hoping that she would be relieved of pain and suffering.  

She coded five times before giving in just after 5:20 pm our time. 

Scott went home soon there-after, and we were trying to talk things through with our kiddos. . . 

I was between doing things, and walked in the room to see this card on the floor.  I picked it up to find a mother's day card from 2004.  Part of what it said was, "You have been an answer to my prayers and truly a joy in my life.  Because of who you are - I will never worry that my . . . grandchildren are being taught what they need to know to return to their Heavenly Father. You are a woman who has strength in character, integrity, testimony and talents . . . that makes me so grateful that you came into our lives. . . May this gift ever remind you of how much we cherish You . . . We Love You Kathleen."  I think it came out of books that the kids were looking through to find pictures of their grandmother.  To me, it was like she was reminding me one more time, that I held just a little piece of her heart. That's when my tears truly began to fall . . . 

***

 Tuesday morning, we woke up to beautiful blue skies and no inversion to speak of.  Truly a gorgeous day . . . 

We spent the day cooking and pondering what had happened the day before . . . 

Just didn't seem possible.

 We still made our traditional Norwegian Christmas Eve meal . . . 

 Nice to have brothers and their families close enough to join us for good food, and conversation.  

 ***

Christmas morning, we started with stockings, and by acting out the Nativity Story (twice of course so the older girls could both have a turn being Mary).  Then we turned to the gifts . . . taking turns, watching each other. . . then I passed out everyone's gifts from Bestemor and Bestefar.  They were all from their recent trip to Norway . . . 

Every box opened smelled of Bestemor's perfume, and included a hand written note from her.  The morning was sweet, and tender and helped us all remember again just how much we will truly miss this lovely lady. 

 We also had plenty of smiles, and silliness to go along with the day . . . it was kind of nice that Grace and Olivia really didn't know what was going on yet, so there was the Christmas morning magic. 

 Yes! Grace finally has a bike that fits her growing stature.

Benjamin mentioned to me that he was not excited for Christmas morning . . . he knew he would have moments of sadness.  I asked him later in the day if he still felt the same way, and he said it was a good Christmas. 

When I saw Stratego on the store shelf, I remembered how much I enjoyed playing it as a child, and had to get it for us all to enjoy. . . 

***

Bestefar, Troy, and Melinda with her family made it west on Christmas day.  The rest of the week has been spent planning for the funeral, getting things together for the viewing, and preparing to say a formal goodbye to Lillian LaVon Steadman Tessem. 

Tiffany made it down to the mortuary to figure out viewing and funeral plans.

The time has past in a strange way . . . wanting to do things with our kiddos and make sure they know it's okay to have fun and be kids still.  One of the days our children asked if we needed to wear black all the time?  When cousins are here, is it okay to play?  

We let them know, it is completely okay to play and have fun with cousins and friends who may be here, we are celebrating the life of a wonderful mother, grandmother, wife and friend.  We are just sad because she is no longer with us, but we know that her life continues on.  

***

Monday evening, there was a viewing/visitation for people to come and express their love for LaVon, and condolenses to family members.  There was a lovely slideshow with family pictures, and many many people who came.  

Just didn't seem real. 

***

Tuesday was a very lovely funeral.  All the children spoke, plus two of her friends, and Atle.  The spouses, siblings, and grandchildren sang, "Love is Spoken Here"  and the children and spouses Sang, "Amazing Grace"  the last verse accapella:

When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

I loved hearing all the stories and different perspectives everyone had.  Truly, a lovely tribute to this sweet lady.  Lily and Benjamin understood what was going on from the beginning, but for Grace, I don't think it truly hit home until the funeral, and then she  cried soft tears.

Benjamin joined Jeff as one of the Pallbearers . . . 

Atle dedicated the grave.

The ward provided a lovely brunch that allowed all the family to be together, enjoy good company and food, and reflect on the day. 

I know she loved that her children and grandchildren were there together, even if it was only for a short time.  She will truly be missed and remembered, and loved.

Kathleen has done such a good job of describing our feelings about the events this last week, nevertheless I need to add some of my thoughts too.  It was a shock to get the text from Troy on Monday.  I was working in the lab, taking care of my cell lines, when I first heard of the problems.  I took off my gloves, washed my hands, and knelt down.  I prayed that my Mom would be OK, while understanding that my definition of OK and His definition are two different things.   I called Kathleen and told her and the kids, at which point we had a prayer together, again praying for Heavenly Father to do what was best for our Mother/Bestemor.   I continued to work, while receiving periodic text and phone messages.  I needed to stay busy.  Finally I went home, and invited Scott to come over and be with me.  I am immensely grateful that my wife and brother were with me when we found out of her passing.

The next morning, Christmas Eve, Dad asked if I would go and check on the house for him.  I drove over there, stewing in my own thoughts.  I pulled into the drive way to find Scott sitting there in his car.  We then sat in his car for the next 30 minutes, holding hands and talking about our experiences.  I am grateful for my sweet brother.  He has always had a tender heart, which was evident again with all of this.

Our Christmas Eve dinner was good, but I felt disconnected.  Looking back at the pictures, I hardly feel I was there.  Kathleen let me take my periodic breaks to go and be by myself.  I just needed to think, I needed to process.  As much as I appreciated having others around to bring some normalcy to our Christmas, I needed to retreat at times.

Christmas day was hard.  The lovely presents from Mom and Dad brought comfort and sadness.  I had asked for Julenisse, and there they were in my package.  They hand written tags quickly made their way into my journal, the ornaments with the notes from Bestemor were cherished.  Lily and Grace both announced that their presents smelled like Bestemor, which they did.  For me the most touching object was a bottle of hapå.  Momma would always bring this caramel flavored spread home from Norway, and would make it last until her next trip.  The fact that she shared a jar with us was so poignant.  These lovely presents, opened two days after my Mom's  passing, were touching reminders of her.  

Later that day, .Scott and I got Dad and Troy from the airport.  I hugged my Dad for such a long time, he kept saying "I'm Sorry".  Sorry?  I'm sorry. I wasn't there to help you.  I offered to carry Dads bag.  He declined.  The bag, my Mom's purse, remained clasped in his iron fist.  We talked that evening about what happened and what would happen.  It was good to be together.

The next days are a blur.  Cleaning the house, choosing a casket, writing the obituary, planning the funeral, selecting flowers.  Talking.  Lots of talking.  Sunday our families were with us in Sacrament meeting.  I was glad that they came for that bittersweet moment.  I appreciated having the hands both of our fathers on my head, I appreciated my father's words, and how I felt.  I know Mom wanted to be there too, I am sure she was.  

The visitation allowed me to meet so many people that loved Mom.  I haven't lived at home for so long, that it was great to meet her friends.  I loved seeing my friends who were able to come.  I appreciated greatly the words and hugs especially from my peers who have lost Mothers and Fathers, especially the entire Harrison family.  

The funeral was beautiful.  I had the privilege of giving Moms life sketch.  I spoke of the stones that the brother of Jared made to give light, the example that my Mother is to me, and how I and others could see the light of Christ through her actions and life. We sang Love is Spoken Here, my favorite primary song.  I felt the spirit throughout the meeting.  I loved learning about my Mothers relationship with her children.  Our relationships were each unique, each tailored to our personalities.   As we carried Mom's casket to her grave I thought about all she has taught me.  As I laid my boutonniere and a white stone on her casket I thought of the confidence she had in me.  As my father dedicated the grave I thought of how she always honored the priesthood and the love she instilled in me for the priesthood. 

 When I returned with my brothers, finding her casket buried, I received confirmation of the reality of the atonement and the Resurrection.   I love my Mother.  I am glad to call her Mother.  I am honored to be her son.  I look forward to the day when I will meet you again.  Mother, I love you.

Here is the link to her Obituary: http://www.heraldextra.com/lifestyles/announcements/obituaries/lillian-lavon-steadman-tessem/article_1d29b7ec-3935-55da-b983-8353f8269a67.html

In case it is gone:

Lillian LaVon Steadman Tessem

1949 ~ 2013

LaVon Tessem, 64, of Lindon, our loving wife, mother, bestemor, and mormor returned to her loving Father in Heaven on December 23, 2013. She was born April 23, 1949 in Murray, Utah as the fourth and last child to Glenn LaMont Steadman and Lillian Viola Bowles Steadman.

When she was 16 years old, LaVons dear mother passed away. This experience led to a deepening testimony for LaVon of Heavenly Fathers Plan of Salvation and the truth that we will see our loved ones again.

She graduated from Jordan High school in 1967. LaVon served a two year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from 1970-72 in the Norway Oslo Mission where she met her future husband, Atle Tessem. LaVon and Atle were married and sealed for time and all eternity on May 22nd, 1975 in the Salt Lake City Temple and enjoyed 38 wonderful years together.

LaVon loved spending time with and talking to her five children and 15 grandchildren. She loved Norway, all things Disney, and I Love Lucy. She was an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and dedicated her life to serving her family, friends and neighbors. LaVon had a talent for helping people feel individually valued and loved.

She is survived by her husband, Atle Tessem; her five children, Jeffery Sivert (Kathleen) Tessem, Tiffany Marit Tessem (Jason) Benedict, Melinda Marianne Tessem (Taylor) Jones, Scott Mikal (Jessica) Tessem, and Troy Stefan Tessem; 15 grandchildren; her brothers, Jack (Mary) Steadman and Gary (Karen) Steadman. She was preceded in death by her parents and her sister, Shirley (Fana) Fotofili.

Funeral services will be held Tuesday, December 31, 2013 at 11 a.m. in the Lindon Fifth Ward Chapel, 610 West 100 South, Lindon. Family and friends may attend visitations Monday evening from 6-8 PM at Olpin Family Mortuary, 494 South 300 East, Pleasant Grove and on Tuesday at the church one hour prior to services. Interment will be in the Lindon City Cemetery. Condolences may be sent to the family at www.olpinmortuary.com.

"...'Till We Meet Again"